D-MER: When Letdown Crashes Your Mood (and Why a Doula “Gets It”)

Ever sit down to feed your baby and, right as your milk lets down, your whole gut just drops? That split-second wave of dread, sadness, nausea, or even anger seemingly hits out of nowhere. Your heart races, your stomach flips, you feel off ....and then, as quick as it appeared, it’s gone.

That’s not you being dramatic.
That’s D-MER — Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex.

It’s not postpartum depression. It’s not you failing at motherhood. It’s your hormones doing a quick nosedive. When dopamine dips and oxytocin rises to trigger letdown, some women feel a crash...an emotional gut-punch that lasts seconds to a couple of minutes, then disappears. If you’ve felt that, you’re not alone. You’re not crazy. It’s a thing.

Where the Doula Comes In

When a postpartum doula is in your home, she’s not just watching how the baby eats or sleeps ...she’s watching you.

She notices the patterns you’re too tired to track: the change in your face right before letdown, your breath catching, your shoulders dropping.   So when you say, “Every time I feed, I get this awful pit in my stomach,” she doesn’t shrug it off.  She connects the dots and says, “That sounds like D-MER — and you’re not broken.”

Then comes the part that matters most as she encourages you......“Loop in your doc with this name — they’ll know.”

She’s not diagnosing. She’s not minimizing.
And she’s definitely not performing like a night nanny.

She’s witnessing you in the raw.

She helps you name what’s happening so you can say, “I think I’m experiencing D-MER,” instead of, “Something’s wrong with me.”

Why That Changes Everything

Once it’s named, that crash stops owning you.  You start to understand what’s happening instead of fearing it.  And that’s the whole point.  You deserve eyes that see it, words that explain it, and backup to handle it. Because postpartum isn’t just about the baby... it’s about you, too.

This Is the Work

That’s why postpartum doulas exist.
We’re not night nannies.
We’re not babysitters.
We’re not doctors.

We’re certified, trained, and built to stand in that exact moment ...the one that feels confusing, overwhelming, or invisible to everyone else.  We are there to remind you that what’s happening has a name, and it doesn’t define you.

Sometimes it’s not “I’m not good at being a mother.”
Sometimes it’s just D-MER — and having someone there who gets it makes all the difference.