You Don't Have to Be Drowning to Need a Life Ring

The thing about postpartum support nobody is saying out loud

Every May, the internet does the same thing. Signs of postpartum depression. Warning signs. When to call your doctor. Hotline numbers at the bottom of the page.

And yes…….those things matter. I am not dismissing them even for a second!

But I've been doing this long enough to know that most of the women who need support? They don't think they qualify for it. They look at that list and go, that's not me. I'm tired, not depressed. I'm struggling, not sick. I'm fine.

……And that right there is the problem.

You don't have to be in crisis to deserve support.
…You just have to be a new mother.

We have accidentally set the bar so low that women only ask for help when they're already on the floor. Like you have to earn it. Like struggling isn't a good enough reason unless it's the right kind of struggling.

I’m not ok with that and you shouldn’t be either!

The women I think about most are the ones who are technically fine. Baby is fed. Baby is gaining weight. Nobody is in the hospital. She is exhausted in a way she didn't know was possible, eating cereal over the sink at 2am, wearing the same shirt she slept in, and when someone asks how she's doing, she says “good, just tired”… because what else do you say?!?

She doesn't think she qualifies. She isn't depressed enough. Desperate enough. She just feels like she lost herself somewhere in the last three weeks and can't find the thread back.

That woman needs support too. No exceptions!

Needing support isn't a diagnosis.
It's a life stage.

For most of human history, new mothers weren't alone. Not because something was wrong with them …because something was right with the people around them. There were women who took the baby so someone else could sleep. Women who knew what to cook. Women who had done this before and weren't going to make you feel like a failure for crying in the bathroom.

We lost that. And somewhere along the way we decided that a six-week checkup and a questionnaire was a reasonable replacement.

It's not.

This is why I built Beyond Birthing Associates. Not just for the women in crisis … we show up for them too…but for the women who are just in it. Who love their baby fiercely and also feel like they're disappearing. Who feel guilty for being sad during the most beautiful chapter of their lives.

Those women deserve someone in their corner. Not as a last resort. As a baseline.

We are halfway through May and I want to add one question to the list.

Not just Is she okay?

But Is she supported?

Because those are two very different questions. And only one of them actually gets you somewhere.

Written by Molly Green

Postpartum support is available for all new mothers — not just the ones in crisis. Find us at beyondbirthingassociates.com.